Read Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't By Henry Cloud,John Townsend

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Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't-Henry Cloud,John Townsend

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Revitalize your relationships, put an end to getting burned--and start enjoying the healthy, balanced connection everyone wants and needs.Too many of us have invested ourselves into relationships where things have gone wrong. You may have experienced being judged, manipulated controlled, or worse. The impact of being with an unsafe person can be damaging to your confidence, your trust in others, and even your health. And what's more, we either repeat the same mistakes of judgment over and over, or else simply give up on trying to have great, authentic relationships again. Why do we choose the wrong people to get involved with? Is it possible to change? And if so, where does one begin?Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from family to friendship, romance, and work. Their expert insights will help you:Correct things within you that jeopardize your relational securityLearn the 20 traits of untrustworthy peopleRecognize what makes people relationally safeAvoid unhealthy relationshipsForm positive relationshipsBecome a safe person yourselfYou'll discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships. And you'll learn how to avoid repeating your own mistakes and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.

Book Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't Review :



This book began well. I was really indentifying with the authors descriptions and his opinion. Then he lost me when he said homosexuality is a PROBLEM that often crops up with unsafe people. I tried to excuse the ingnoant inclusion of homosexuality with alcoholism and drug dependency but it really had a very negative effect. The end of the book really didn’t offer any advise but to befriend Christians. Disappointing...
I read Boundaries by the same authors a few years back, and it made a tremendous difference in my life. I just finished Safe People tonight, and it is also a great book; I'm glad I read it. The authors write in an easy-to-read, straightforward, and relatable manner. They use examples of their own failings and lessons learned, as well as many case studies. The advice given is backed by scriptural references, albeit a bit of a stretch in certain area.For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what "normal" or "healthy" should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn't. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not -- whether I'm the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality.There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a "Safe Person" -- in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a "Safe Church", and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as "Safe People" -- if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There's a part of me that is glad I hadn't read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my "friends" and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something "extra", I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance.A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don't necessarily think this is a failure on the book -- there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God's wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees -- and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were "unsafe". Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying.I would also add that if you have an additional "condition", such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern.Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it.

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